


Consuming Fire Under A Jealous Sun

by thegirlwholoveshorror



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - College/University, Awkwardness, Don't Try This At Home, Dysfunctional Family, Existentialism, F/M, Falling In Love, Family Drama, Family Dynamics, Family Secrets, Gen, Humiliation, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, New York City, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Psychopathology & Sociopathy, Self-Esteem Issues, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-26
Updated: 2018-09-30
Packaged: 2018-11-18 17:09:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11295033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegirlwholoveshorror/pseuds/thegirlwholoveshorror
Summary: This is how their decadence began, and this is how it ended: gazing into each other's eyes, flushed with fever, sitting together on a bus; a chance encounter with one's heart's desire, or should I say more like a bat out of hell, in a time of shared agony and despair... There's a unity to their sins. In their emotional and misinformed states of mind, they could only ever rejoice in the intensity of each other's pain when together, and they were drawn in by each other's special characteristics, by the dramatic elements of the other's life, by this innate desire to protect each other from it all..., like an aphrodisiac, with all kinds of brain chemistry and all kinds of connections. In the end, it's something between dark and beautiful, between love and hate...Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. It's a fictional story about fictional representations of real people. Also, no profit was made from this work. This is for entertainment purposes only. As for the plot of the story, well, I have an overactive imagination!(Beware: there's some very sensitive subject matter here!)





	1. Blinded By Nightmares In A Nation Of Fire

**Author's Note:**

> This story is a sequence of revelations. Over time, you'll find that it should all fit in well together.

“My life can’t ever be right without you;  
My future’s falling apart;  
You say the love we had is just a memory,  
And this is where the ending starts.” — Bucks Fizz, Where The Ending Starts

PRESENT DAY

Let's just get this out there right now.

Here's how it went down.

Jensen failed. He can't admit it for the life of him, but he failed, and it was a fail of epic proportions.

Jensen’s parents might have been **poor** , sure, but they had worked very hard to support their family and expected their children to find their own route in life, just like they had, in record timing...; Jensen had tried to do it – you better believe it –, but he had failed so horribly at it and had hardly been able to look them in the eye ever since, least of all to mention what he’d done or failed to do. After all, his family wasn't the most human of families. Their shame of him was already two-fold, blocking their ability to connect with him, and he didn't want to suffer further humiliation under their rule, after a lifetime of putdowns, letdowns and scathing remarks from the people who were supposed to protect him, but still expected the world from him, and it would be a cold day in Hell before Jensen would come back empty-handed to them. It had become unbearable, and not a single person could be trusted with the truth or help Jensen get over his pain with what had happened to him. He just had to go through it alone. A lie so big and bold with the truth so extravagant and hard to believe that it's actually incredible could never be told.

And so, the truth gnawed at his conscience and into his soul like a beast; it was a persistent and painful truth that he fought against accepting.

But, if Jensen could build a lie that could back another, and believe me when I say that his lies were believable in the don't-ask-questions world that he lived in, then maybe he could get out of this alive with no one knowing the terrible, embarrassing and broken truth of what had happened. Jensen was sensible : he knew that he could bury the hatchet only once he'd come up with a plan to get out of this mess.

It was just too **big** a failure for him to admit, and he especially couldn’t do it now, not after spending so much time, energy and resources trying to cover up his embarrassment and so-called 'crimes', or should I say his scams, schemes and frauds, desperately wanting and trying to make sure that no one would ever know of his past endeavors to do with his truly horrible failure. Word just wasn't allowed to get around about it. Leave it to him to burn the evidence, cut bridges and extract himself from the scene all the while building a firewall around his past mistakes and current lies.

This much is true...

Jensen failed miserably, but, personally, I'd like to think that because Jensen picked himself up and kept up with at least a bit of a **momentum** , through all the twists and turns of the crapfest that he calls his life, kept his head as cool as he could, before and after his humongous fail, although he could have just given up, laid his weapons down and turned himself in at any given moment, like when he felt that he couldn't see a way out, is a testament to his will to live and what great potential he has as a man, or should I day an adult in the making. 

There's just one question that I have to ask: how do you live when you know that life is finite, and the best part of you has died?

Now, to explain what happened, I could go all the way back to start — to that very first moment when Jensen felt betrayed or to all the times when his parents fought hard in the kitchen, in the living room, in the driveway... and he'd cover his ears to block it all out, hide under his covers or join on in with them with the fights because he hated what was in front of him, that no one could understand each other, that his future was uncertain, that there was no alternative... — to explain all the different elements that contributed to the bad actions and choices that Jensen committed which led to his massive failure, which occurred in all its glory in the fall of 2010, but instead I'll just focus on where and when it all started to unravel.

Be warned: there are drugs, alcohol, sex, infidelity and a whole lot of ugliness to this story.

I'll try to explain this as good as I can, but you'll have to bear with me because it's complicated.

Of course, there are good moments of truth as well as tough and bad moments of truth to Jensen's story, however joyless.

Nonetheless, despite all the pain, hatred, strife, tears and lasting bitterness to this story, I want you to picture beautiful mornings with clear skies and afternoon thunderstorms, big windows without drapes overlooking the City and the sound of church bells, firetruck sirens, cop car sirens and ambulance sirens in the distance; I want you to picture a starless City sky with a slight chill in the air and I want you to imagine what it sounds like to hear your neighbour upstairs playing the saxophone with his window open on weekends around lunchtime, with a perky attitude.

These are just some of the things that kept Jensen inspired to make a difference, even after he lost his mind and hit his **lowest** point.

But, you'll also have to picture this: imagine a depressed Jensen at the mall, at Christmas time, buying a shit-ton of knives, vodka and pills.

And you'll also have to imagine a pregnant Sandra getting an abortion, paid for by Jared, around the same time.

TBC ~


	2. carta de tristeza

**_To those I've loved and those who love me,_ **

  
How do I live when my whole life has been nothing but a nightmare? All my life, I've been self-absorbed, crazy-lonesome and blue. It's always been like _this_ , painful and utterly heinous— _and I can't live with it anymore..._ It's just too terrible to cope with...

**Author's Note:**

> I have no experience in writing, so I'm doing this in my own special little way. ;)
> 
> P.S. I LOVE YOU! Thanks so much for reading! x


End file.
